Being sick makes me think of how much being sick takes out of someone. Whether it be a flu, full on viral type of sick or just a cold – I’ve been feeling like its been draining me.
I’ve been having a hard time with just focusing on how unsuccessful I feel in my life. I know people sometimes say things to help, but even those times when people have told me “hey Alex, you should get to doing this if you want to get to this point – it’s going to take a lot of work to get there if that’s what you want to do – You should’ve already started preparing for this, you’re behind.” and I know they’re just trying to help me, but when I think about it, it really almost measures up with the negative things people say. The things my step-father has said to me, the things that he said about me being “worthless”, and the things that other people have said to me: “You’re just a loser still at home at 20.”
It makes my mind rush and tumble… even coming from people who love me, people who care about me as well as people who hate me, or dislike me. I’m not sure what to do sometimes, because it gets me in a bad way.. Sometimes I wonder if these things will ever just fade away… Sometimes it just doesn’t seem like it. The regret fills me up and the insecurity kills me inside slowly…
On top of that, there are other things in my life that I’m just so worried about that I don’t know where to begin. My mind is exhausted, and the only time I’m feeling okay is when I’m near someone else or medicated, just to take it away just for a little bit at a time.