Nocturnal Rainbows

I’ve been thinking a lot today about things that happened lately, and to be honest, some of it makes me want to take a break from it all…

I swear, sometimes, I feel like my kindness gets taken for granted. 

I don’t want to point out specifics just because I have more respect for privacy of some people.  But, sometimes, I feel like the kindness I show doesn’t really get noticed and that sometimes you (not going to name any names) say things really rudely.  I mean, I don’t understand it.  Once upon a time you wanted me to write to you more, and now it just seems like ‘whatever’ – doesn’t really seem like I’m there.. or wanted there.. I understand we’ve been through a lot of things, things I’ve said and gotten upset about that I shouldn’t have said or gotten upset about, but don’t turn away from me.. Please.. I’ve seen what I’ve needed to do to be different.. and I feel like I’ve made a big change.. but I suppose I don’t have control over any of it, so, I suppose you’ll do what you want to do.

All I can say right now is that I feel like utter shit. 

Some of this shit just makes me wonder how much a person should give.  People give and take and from my understanding that’s how a lot of things work, but right now, I feel like I’m giving and its a one way action..

My insides feel like someone just ripped out my heart and intestines and curb stomped them until all was left was the left over acid and quiet thump. I feel sick and depressed, like curling up and just staying that way for a day…


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